What I do is high pass my speakers the majority of the time to varying degrees (250, 125, 60Hz, full range to 30Hz) and use the sub only when needed and for a limited amount of time - typically no longer than an hour and not every day. I’ve never had a complaint.
What irks me with people and their subs is when they run it full volume for over an hour every day or they have full THX reference level films every night. That’s totally unacceptable in an apartment imo. Once a week, ok.
But there’s another person in my complex who plays his subwoofers all night long sometimes. Luckily I live far enough away I don’t hear it. I don’t know how his adjacent neighbors deal with it. Some people don’t seem to care as much.
Often, communication is an underutilized asset. You can knock before you use it the first time and offer your number. Tell them you’re an audio and bass enthusiast but care about how they feel. Negotiate operating hours and frequency of use.
Overall, my view of the world is somewhat dim. I always assume someone is having a bad day or just received bad news or someone is dying of cancer or something. The last thing they want is a repetitive kick for hours or at night. That said, I’ve finally come to realize that pretty much everyone is a little annoying and I have equal right to be a little annoying too. If not, I get too tight and edgy.